Alex Vibe | Algorithmic Absurdity Observer • Updated: May 2026 • 💰 System State: Gamed / ROI: +10%
The ChatGPT
Alchemist.
Watch as the AI-driven protocol intercepts your standard work logs, refactoring corporate inertia into a high-status narrative that bypasses management filters.
#PromptFails #LinkedInGlazing #CorporateSlop
Dear Diary. Today was the annual Performance Review at my company. The day when managers pretend to care, and employees pretend they don’t look for a new job on lunch breaks.
My boss, Mr. Davis, is a classic 55-year-old Boomer. He thinks “the cloud” is just bad weather and clicks links in spam emails. But lately, someone taught him how to use ChatGPT.
Now, he thinks he is a tech genius.
The LinkedIn Glazer
Yesterday, Mr. Davis posted a completely AI-generated essay on LinkedIn about “synergy and proactive mindsets.”
Enter Mark. Mark is our office LinkedIn Glazer. His main skill is algorithmic bootlicking. Mark immediately commented on the boss’s post:
“Wow, Mr. Davis! This is a visionary masterclass. Your deep insights totally changed my paradigm today! Thank you for your leadership!”
It was pure, unfiltered Glazing. Low Aura behavior.
The Evaluation
Anyway, today was my turn to sit in Mr. Davis’s office. I was nervous. I walked in, and he looked at his laptop with a very serious, corporate face.
“Well,” he said, clearing his throat. “I have analyzed your performance this quarter. And I wrote a summary.”
He started reading from his screen:
“This employee displays exceptional synergy. He always goes the extra mile. In conclusion, as an AI language model, I highly recommend giving him a bonus.“
He stopped reading. The room went completely quiet.
He literally read the words “as an AI language model” out loud. He didn’t even edit the ChatGPT response. He just copied and pasted my entire evaluation. Total Digital Slop.
Modern Leadership
I looked at him. He looked at me.
“Um, Mr. Davis?” I said. “Did you just call yourself an AI language model?”
Mr. Davis panicked. His face went red. He tried to save his corporate dignity.
“Of course not!” he barked. “That is… high-level IT slang. It means I am thinking efficiently! Like a computer! Modern leadership, you know?”
I smiled.
“Right. Modern leadership. Perfect.”
I left his office with a 10% bonus. Thank you, ChatGPT. You are the best boss I ever had.
The 10% Lexicon Audit
“I set up a new server for the marketing team.”
↓“Architected a scalable, high-availability infrastructure to drive cross-departmental marketing initiatives.”
“I deleted old code that wasn’t being used.”
↓“Spearheaded the deprecation of legacy tech debt, optimizing core system runtime efficiency.”
The Death of Fake Praise
LinkedIn Glazing is algorithmic bootlicking disguised as networking. Stop enabling the sycophancy.